There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
