How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
