I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
