He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
