Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
