sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
