dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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