I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
