One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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