omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
