I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Less talking, more tequila
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
