I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
