Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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