Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
