just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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