I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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