She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
