How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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