i don't like sucking hair
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
