sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
