lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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