Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
