He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
