My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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