it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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