Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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