Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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