well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
