dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
