Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The air taste purple.
Randomize
