Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
