I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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