I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
