i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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