woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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