I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
