I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
