so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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