he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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