remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
