I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
