You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
