Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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