So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
