If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
