i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
