I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
