I murdered the dance floor call the cops
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
