: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
