Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
