roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
