talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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