It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
